Some of you may know I am in a sorority, others may not. I am, in fact, in one. It has been interesting to see the reactions of many people when they hear that I am in a sorority. You can generally either see the confusion written on their face or an “Oh I expected that” face. With some people I normally get the “sorority girls are sluts at my school,” which, you know, is always great to guess what they are insinuating. People join Greek life for a variety of reasons, which can range from wanting more friends or to do more activities or with some to have more people to drink with.
Before joining a sorority I was pretty anti-Greek life. The previous sentence structure “Before x happened” generally implies a change – however I’m not entirely sure what my change in thought is. I think for most people, sorority life is a crutch. You want new friends, you want to be more popular on campus, you want to be more involved, you want sisterhood, etc. The list goes on and on. I think sororities can be great things for some people and really benefit their lives and the community around them. Sororities and Greek life can do great things, but they also have a negative impact on others on campus as well. Social Greek life is based off of being exclusive – only so many people are allowed in. You have to be charming, and put together, academically successful, and involved on campus – the cream of the crop if you will. All of this, plus being compatible with the people in sororities. Do they like the same things you like? What’s different about you? What’s special about you? The results of this are twofold – on one hand it’s really positive because it gets together a similar group of girls with similar interests, that might not always meet. I know that I forged many connections and friendships with people that I might not otherwise talk to. On the other hand it can also cause some disharmonious relationships between people that shouldn’t exist. Oh she’s in that sorority, or oh he’s in that fraternity – they’re all whores or assholes or insert any other degrading word. Another aspect I think is negative is the rejection people receive from sororities. This can be from people who spend more time with those in their sorority and start to neglect older friendships, or from girls who are rejected from sororities they are in love with, or rejection of people based on their stereotype of Greek life or stereotypes Greek life has given them. Stereotypes have to start somewhere and there is a grain of truth in them.
I’ve had many conversations with people in and out of Greek life about Greek life and one thing that has continually resurfaced is friends within it. I have had times where I have been disgruntled with “friends” , but other times where I am completely happy with the friends I have made. The common thread is that obviously, not all of them are going to your good friends, or even friends when you are in it. That is just not possible. However the friendships that I had before joining my sorority and some that I forged after joining have become rock-hard friendships. I can depend on them for anything and I think that is something that is definitely an advantage of GL. It gives us another thing we can talk about, something we can do forever, tradition. I think that GL isn’t necessary for forming rock-hard friendships, but I can definitely see how it helped. Long after my days of college are over, these people will still be my friends and we will still be able to share this.
I can count on one hand the people in my sorority that have asked me about being in China and how I’m doing. Do people care? Some do, others don’t. The people that have contacted me have made my day when I saw it. For the most part though being in a sorority is out of sight, out of mind. I can’t even believe how frustrating it is to see that you’re basically useless to them now and are being replaced. That is life though and one must move on. It sucks when you send an email out, and maybe one or two people out of 80 respond. Or when you’re the only person abroad and you’re big is one of the four seniors (2 of which who have already taken littles) takes another little. Out of the four seniors one never had one, the other’s little is no longer in the sorority, one already had one, and one had one abroad. It’s not so much that I minded my big taking another little, it was more so that being the only person in my sorority abroad and with other people who have never taken littles, why is it my big took another? Just as a note: my big was begged because there was a shortage of potential bigs - she’s not terrible, I promise! Why couldn’t someone else step up that has never taken one? It definitely feels like being replaced, even though me and my big are tight. It is hard keeping up with what’s going on with my sorority from a different country for many reasons – what information is sent out, where I am, the time difference, etc. It’s frustrating to see how such a positive thing (me going to China) is limiting me back home because I am not physically there. It’s frustrating to get emails that you can’t do anything about because you’re abroad, and disheartening to get almost impersonal and cold emails – but how else would they be able to phrase it? Being abroad has magnified problems I had before I left and frankly, it sucks. There are many days while in China where I just don’t want to hear anything about my sorority. At all. My sorority has literally been the thing that has made me the unhappiest in China for a variety of reasons. It has also made me happy on other days, but not to the same extent on the spectrum as it has made me sad. It’s not the same when you can’t be there to defend yourself or even say anything when you don’t even get a chance, but why should I constantly have to do that? I also know on the other hand that people in my sorority love me and defend me as well – it is just hard to know about when you are abroad.
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” is something I’ve really taken to heart recently. Being far removed from things at home has lead me to really take a step back and re-evaluate things. Is my big taking another little that important? No. Was I hurt at the time? Yes. Am I now? No, because it’s not really that important once I understood what was going on. Have the people who contacted me from my sorority impacted me? Yes. Most in a very positive way, and I’m so grateful I’m friends with them or that they reached out to me! It definitely changed my perspective. I think it’s just the smaller things when you’re abroad that you notice more. I still love my sorority and how it has positively impacted my life by solidifying friendships, forming new connections and for various other reasons, but wish that it would also stop negatively influencing my life as well. But that is like anything in life, really.
